An Interview with Gemma Hickey, Community Activist in St. John's, NL

By Mark Crossan, M.A. student, Department of Religious Studies, Memorial University

". . when people see that you don't have a problem with who you are, they often respond in the same way. When people see that you're comfortable within yourself, they are either threatened by it or open to it, either way they have been changed in some way and will look at the world or themselves differently." – Gemma Hickey

What lead you to study Religious Studies at MUN?

I was always interested in Religion, even at an early age. I also felt a very strong call to ministry. My father was very interested in Theology and studied Religion at Memorial, as well. He was interested in becoming a priest before meeting my mother. His parents were devout Roman Catholics. He stopped attending church later in life, but his faith remains strong. My mother on the other hand, still attends church. Her parents were devout Roman Catholics also. When my parents divorced, my mother made me attend mass with her every Sunday and when I wasn't with her, my father's parents took me. I paid particular attention to the words used in prayers and hymns, which has had a strong influence in my poetry. Furthermore, I went to Roman Catholic schools. I always liked Religion courses in school, particularly at university because the approach was more academic. All of these things influenced my decision to study Religious Studies at MUN.

Why did you decide to become active with the Religious Studies society?

I knew the society existed prior to my attending MUN, but was determined to resurrect it in order to engage my fellow students. My goal was to bring people together and get them excited about not only the department, but the Arts faculty in general. I approached other societies within the Arts faculty and we held joint mixers, which were a huge success. I formed an executive which met weekly. We promoted the society and its events all over the university.

What led to your involvement with LBGT-MUN?

I was at a point in my life where I wanted to give something back. I attempted suicide when I was a teenager because I didn't want to be gay. I internalized a lot of my homophobia based on what I was taught about homosexuality in school and church. I thought I was sick and evil. I even went to see a conversion therapist because I thought she could help me change my sexuality. Eventually, I embraced my sexuality and acknowledged it openly by telling my friends and family. Unlike some gay people, I didn't have to worry about losing my job or being kicked out of my home. However, being widely known throughout the country for my activism and having my information accessible has left me open to death threats and my property being damaged.

Did you feel that religious identity was represented within the LBGT community at MUN?

I represented my religious identity within the LBGT community at MUN. I was the only Christian at LBGT-MUN, the gay and lesbian resource center on campus and as far as I knew, at the university. Many gay people have left the church because they feel like they're not welcome there.

You mentioned that you felt a call to ministry at a young age. Could you elaborate?

I always felt that there was something I was meant to do with my life. It was more than just going to school and getting a job. It had to do with helping people in a big way. I didn't know what that meant and I certainly didn't have the words to articulate how I felt because I was so young, but I knew that my life had a purpose. Now as an adult, I feel as though I'm living it through the work that I do. I use to think it had to be done in a church, but lately I'm realizing it can be done anywhere.

How did you become involved with the United Church in St. John's?

I wanted to answer my call to ministry and I knew that as a woman and a lesbian, there were no options available to me within the Roman Catholic Church. I knew the United Church of Canada was supportive of ordaining both woman and gay people. My friend sang in the choir at Wesley United Church and invited me to come to a service. I met with one of the ministers following the service. I told her that I felt a strong call to ministry and was really interested in being a part of a faith community again. She invited me back and in April of 2004, I was confirmed as a member of the United Church of Canada. Being confirmed for the second time felt different than the first. I was an adult and it was my choice. I enjoyed taking the classes and learning about my new spiritual home. I also wanted to become active within my new church community. There was no youth group at Wesley United Church when I joined so I formed one. I led the youth group every Sunday, but we did things together outside of church too. I also became Chair of the Youth and Young Adults Committee and a member of the Worship and Sacraments Committee. I joined the Church Council and Executive Committee and I was their East District Representative.

From 2003-2007 you were extremely involved with the Wesley United Church. Looking back, how would you describe this period?

It was an exciting time at first because I found a place to worship, but after a while it became emotionally exhausting. While attending Wesley United Church, I was also heavily involved in getting same-sex marriage legalized across the country, particularly in Newfoundland and Labrador. I was President of Egale Canada, a national equality seeking organization that advances the rights of gay people. I was also an Executive member of Canadians for Equal Marriage, a national group focused on getting same-sex marriage legalized in Canada. I'm an activist who is passionate about a number of causes, but during that time, I was in the media regularly on that subject and had to be very public about my sexuality. I didn't realize that the majority of people at my church would react so negatively. Some people avoided eye contact with me and turned away from me when I'd offer my hand during the service, while others threatened to leave the congregation. According to one of the ministers there at the time, some people complained that they didn't like the way I dressed or that I worked so closely with the youth. As a result, the Church Council decided to hold a workshop on same-sex marriage at the church, but it was high-jacked by some members in the congregation who weren't afraid to be vocal about their opposition to same-sex marriage. They quoted scripture and compared homosexuality to bestiality. At this point we were only discussing the possibility of a same-sex blessing. Same-sex marriage wasn't even legal in our province at that time and the workshop was developed by the United Church of Canada to encourage dialogue about the issue, not to force churches into a decision they weren't ready for or comfortable with. Although the United Church of Canada is supportive of same-sex marriage, individual churches govern their own congregations. A letter was written to the Church Council from an unnamed group of people from the congregation requesting the workshops stop and a vote be held. The Church Council acted upon this request and a congregational vote occurred shortly thereafter. In my opinion, the process leading up to the vote and following it wasn't very fair or organized. There were people at the meeting who weren't even members at Wesley United Church. The majority of people voted against same-sex blessings and the Church Council upheld the decision. As a council member, I abstained from that decision. I remember leaving that council meeting feeling physically sick. I found it all very hurtful. While the ministers were supportive of me and the cause, they found this situation stressful and weren't able to be very helpful to me on a personal level. However, there were some members of the congregation who were very supportive of me and have become dear friends of mine.

After we won the court case here, my partner and I were at a point in our relationship where we wanted to get married. As Christians (my partner is a Mennonite from Winnipeg) we wanted a church wedding, but there were no churches to marry us. Furthermore, even United Church ministers who were supportive of us and who didn't have a congregation weren't able to marry us due to United Church policy, but we contacted the churches (and individual ministers) anyway hoping that some of them would begin the workshops. We thought that even if we couldn't get married in a church, other other same-sex couples would like to in the future. Because of our requests to get married in a church, a couple of United Churches in Newfoundland and Labrador now marry same-sex couples. Wesley United Church isn't one of them. Even though I knew the answer would be no, the rejection had a negative impact on me. I couldn't sit through a service without tears forming in my eyes.

How would you describe your involvement currently?

Unfortunately, I had to take a break from church all together. I'm a poet and some of my poetry is about my experiences there. I often take walks and connect with God through nature. I haven't been involved with Wesley United Church since 2008 and I haven't been attending regular services at any other church either. I haven't transferred my membership from Wesley United Church to another United Church yet because I don't know if I'm ready to get involved with another congregation at this point. Sometimes, I think about writing a letter to the Church Council at Wesley United Church about my experience there, but it's still too raw. I stayed at Wesley United Church for four years and wrestled with myself in order to do that. I don't like to give up on things. I thought that if I leave, people won't be challenged, but if I stay I won't be nurtured properly through my discernment. In the end, I had to consider my personal well-being over all.

Could you briefly explain the talk you gave to the House of Commons Standing Committee on Justice and Human Rights in Halifax in 2002?

I wrote and presented a brief on same-sex marriage to the House of Commons Standing Committee on Justice and Human Rights as the General Director of LBGT-MUN. It was a life-changing experience and one that was very empowering. Just before I presented my brief, I walked past a group of protesters and was spat on. That was extremely hurtful and humiliating, but it also gave me fuel to continue the work that I do. There were a lot of Christians at the hotel where the proceedings were held. I've studied different religions from an academic perspective at MUN, but that hasn't taken away from the fact that I believe strongly in the teachings of the historical Jesus. I often think about his experiences during difficult times in my own life. Like other leaders, he fought for what he believed in and was killed for it. Looking at my faith from that angle gave me strength.

From 2003-2005 you were the chair for NGALE; could you explain your involvement and perhaps why it is no longer functioning?

I was the Chair of NGALE, the province's oldest gay and lesbian group. We had an office in St. John's. Our phone line provided province-wide support to gay people in St. John's as well as the rural communities. I chaired meetings, gave presentations, organized events and protests, etc. Attendance at meetings and events always fluctuated and a lot of our members were older and had been involved for a long time. When I left, there wasn't anyone to lead the group. Now the main group in St. John's is the Pride Committee. I was the Chair of this in 2004 and I'm still a member. We organize Pride celebrations during Pride Week every summer.

What was your time like being the chair for the St. John's Pride Committee?

It was a great time because we had so much to celebrate as a community. We won court challenges in some provinces on same-sex marriage and same-sex marriage was on its way to becoming a reality across the county. Morale was high. We really came together as a community. I remember delivering a speech on the steps of City Hall after the Pride March. It was covered by the news and on the front page of the paper.

You created the position of LBGT coordinator within the NL Sexual Health Center so that working professionals (doctors, teachers, clergy) to provide better support and services to LBGT youth. Do you feel this gap has been bridged?

I feel as though it has been bridged to a certain extent, but there's a long way to go. This project was the first of its kind in our province so it was merely a building block. The project was successful, but there's still so much that needs to be done. The suicide rate is still high when it comes to LBGT youth. And, a lot of LBGT youth are prone to addictions. I'd like to do a project that would enable me to reach youth in the rural communities. I'd also like to do a project on lesbian sexual health. In my opinion, lesbians are invisible when it comes to gay male sexuality.

You also mentioned you developed a manual and workshop for professionals in regards to youth understanding their sexual identity within the church; could you describe this in greater detail?

The manual was an outcome of a project I created for the NL Sexual Health Center. My title was LBGT Coordinator and in addition to producing a manual, I produced all the resources available at the center on LBGT issues. I also provided support to youth and their families who were coming to terms with their sexuality or gender identity. I formed a steering committee with representatives from each profession I wanted to target. For example, I had clergy, social workers, doctors, nurses, teachers, etc. on the committee. At the end of the project, I developed a workshop that presented the results, among other things and invited professionals who work with youth. There were over two hundred people at the workshop and the feedback was very positive. They went away with tips on how to offer better supports and services to LBGT youth. This was the type of material that was in the manual.

Do you believe that through your work there is a greater understanding of gender and sexual identity within the local religious communities?

Yes I do. I reached out to other faith communities outside of my own. As part of my research for my project at the NL Sexual Health Center, I sent out a survey on LBGT issues to the various faith communities in the city and surrounding areas. I included every denomination and religion. Because I was a well-known activist and active in my church community, people from all faith denominations contacted me for advice. There were also clergy on my committee. I felt strongly about involving them in my project. The feedback from them and other clergy who attended my workshop was very positive. They were able to take back what they learned and apply it to specific individuals or their entire congregation if issues arose regarding that topic. Furthermore, my presence at Wesley United Church provided people with an opportunity to worship with a gay person. Some people were supportive and others weren't, but at least people were challenged. That's important in order for change and growth.

Have any of the churches or clergy you have had a dialogue with put any of your suggestions into practice?

Yes they have. As I mentioned above, clergy who were involved on my committee as well as clergy who attended my workshop have used the material they received. And, when my partner and I were planning to marry and applied at various United Churches, Gower Street United Church met with us even though they couldn't marry us at the time. I have continued to consult with them while they were going through a process to explore the possibility of doing same-sex marriages there.

Of your many accomplishments, is there any one you are most proud of?

Accomplishments are hard to measure. I've been nominated and have received awards and scholarships for the work that I've done, but it's always nice when people who I don't know approach me on the street and thank me for the work that I've done. Also, a couple of years after I left Wesley United Church, two youth from my youth group approached me at different places. One was male and the other female. They thanked me for being there because they had recently come out to their families and they had me to look up to. And, when I came out to my mother, she started to cry. She was worried about my safety. That's common among parents of LBGT youth. She also said that it made her sad because I wouldn't be able to marry the person that I loved. At that time, same-sex marriage wasn't legal anywhere. So when we won the court case here in this province, I had the lawyer scan the judge's order and send it me. I got it framed and brought it home to my mother and said, "Look mom, now I can marry the person that I love too."

Of your many accomplishments, what one do you believe has had the most positive effect within the St. John's community?

Again, it's hard to sum it up, but I think just living my life as an out lesbian has had the most positive effect. I don't take an in-your-face approach to that. What I mean is when people see that you don't have a problem with who you are, they often respond in the same way. When people see that you're comfortable within yourself, they are either threatened by it or open to it, either way they have been changed in some way and will look at the world or themselves differently. I believe that living your life and being happy with who you are is the best revenge, even though I don't like the word revenge. So I try not to let it get me down when people are hurtful to me because I'm gay. I use it to make a difference in the lives of others.

What can local religious groups do to offer continued support to the LBGT community?

They can announce in their bulletins that they're LBGT friendly by listing that LBGT people are welcome if they're pursuing a call to ministry, wanting to marry their same-sex partner, wanting to baptize their child, or just in need of a supportive faith community. They can also offer their space for meetings and events organized by LBGT groups. They can participate in Pride events and educate themselves on LBGT issues by contacting LBGT groups and holding workshops or presentations.